What Do You Say To Someone Who Has Been Diagnosed With Breast Cancer?
My cousin-in-law just found out. I don’t know what to say to her.
16 Responses to “What Do You Say To Someone Who Has Been Diagnosed With Breast Cancer?”
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August 31st, 2009 at 12:11 pm
There are so many things that people want to say when they find out a loved one has cancer. In an extreme attempt at NOT offending the cancer person, people stumble all over themselves and their words.
I had breast cancer nearly 3 years ago. The WORST thing people said to me was, “If you need anything, call/let me know.” The last thing I could do after a lousy chemo treatment was sort through my mental notes of people who I could “call.”
However, my church did just the right thing. They DID stuff. They’d call me from the store, the Post Office, or while they were out and about and wanted to offer to clean my house. Not one person waited for me to call them.
The other thing is that people were very free with talking to me about my cancer. I loved that. You aren’t going to REMIND me I have cancer, so it is ok to talk about it. My in-laws STILL refuse to mention my cancer experience, and that insults me more than anything. They’ve never once said a thing about my bald head, breast-less chest, or burned radiation field.
If you are really worried about stumbling over your words, there are some really great Hallmark cards for just this purpose. I really love them-they say things like, “You are still the same person and I will treat you that way……”
The other thing is that if you are worried, you can say it. My best friend was the first person I called to tell, and she said very simply, “I know you are scared, I am too.” We cried together for the fear of the unknown.
One final thing-it is easy to assume that once a person is diagnosed with cancer, that is the only thing on their minds, and why on earth would they want to talk about it or hear about it, right?
The truth (in my case) was the opposite. Yes, I was totally consumed with my cancer for the first few weeks, but suddenly, it became my new “normal.” Chemo, surgery and radiation were just part of my daily routine and I accepted it. Your cousin-in-law will reach a stage of acceptance at some point and delve into her battle mode.
Good luck. I know it is scary for you.
August 31st, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Tell her you’re so sorry. Hug her and tell her you’ll be there for her, as long as you mean it – she’s about to hear this from a lot of people who don’t mean it.
Let her talk about it if she needs to – don’t try to change the subject, and be a good listener. if she doesn’t want to talk about it, don’t.
Please don’t urge her to be positive – it’s really hard to do and there’s no evidence it helps. Don’t tell her she’ll be fine, or that breast cancer is easily treated – her doctors can’t tell her those things so nobody else can.
September 1st, 2009 at 12:21 am
You need to let them know you will support them all the way and will stick by their side you also need to be really sympathetic but i think they would appreciate being occupied to take their mind off it invite them to coffee and lunch but most of all try to keep things as usual as they can be.
Good Luck
My great auntie found out she had breast cancer last year and they sorted it out and know she’s the same person just with one breast.
Jade
September 1st, 2009 at 3:29 am
Easy. Tell her to call you if she needs help. If she has to undergo surgery, find out if you can do anything to make her life easier. I just had surgery for breast cancer on July 9, so I know. The best thing that people said was, “I’m sorry to hear that, but is there anything I can do to help?” They brought meals, checked on me with phone calls and visits, and drove me to and from the hospital and the doctor’s office when I needed to go and wasn’t allowed to drive. The biggest thing she needs is the support and love of those closest to her. If you can give her that, then you’re good.
September 1st, 2009 at 5:15 am
Tell her you’re sorry or just give her a hug and than treat her as normally as possible. If she wants to talk about it that is fine . . but if she does not . .than just get on with the business of living and enjoying her company. Don’t worry about ‘what to say’ . .just say anything . . that is all she will remember anyway . .that you were concerned enough to be there.
People making a fuss just embarrassed my son. He always just said thank you . . but as a teen did a lot of eye rolling at all the fuss. He always thought there were others who were sicker than he was. He just wanted to be treated as normally as possible.
September 1st, 2009 at 8:32 am
If there is anything I can help you with, just let me know.
I’m here if you need anything… and even if you don’t.
Sit and spend time with her – it’s ok for this to include complete silence. I wish people knew how healing that is sometimes.
Take her out to lunch and talk about anything OTHER than the breast cancer, unless she brings it up first.
September 1st, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Tell her how sorry you are and let her know you will be there for her! Fighting Breast Cancer can be a long battle and the little things you do can make life easier for her! It does not have to cost money-offer to do the wash for her or clean her home-baby sit her children.
September 1st, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Wow, that’s a good Q. I’d say, ” I’m sorry to hear of the news, I’m here if you need anything, and your so strong, you’ll be back to yourself in no time.” Tough position to be in, even worse for her, Good Luck. ♥
September 1st, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Tell her you are sorry and that you’ll pray for her (if you’re religious). Let her know she has your support and you’ll be there for her. Encourage her as much as you can.
September 2nd, 2009 at 5:57 am
Suggest that she go to a holistic health care practicer before she does anything further.
Breast cancer has been cured before with herbs/vitamins and holistic sources.
Good luck.
September 2nd, 2009 at 12:39 pm
You don’t have to say anything.Just be there for her and give
her lots of support!If she wants to talk about it,she will.
September 2nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Give a hug and tell her not to worry as the disease is curable by operation and medication. and wish her to get well soon.
September 3rd, 2009 at 12:12 am
No one here can tell you that…..dont dance around the subject like its something you shouldnt talk about. Just let them know how YOU feel…….Dont say anything if you dont want, just LOVE.
September 3rd, 2009 at 4:16 am
“I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Call me if there is anything at all I can do to help you.” would be good.
September 3rd, 2009 at 5:06 am
sorry and every thing will be alright give her hug to make her feel better.
September 3rd, 2009 at 8:18 am
“How are you feeling?”